hi 2012

Nope,

sorry .

You're no longer my muse .

i need .

In any and all relationships that we have in which we care for another person and have some kind of commitment to this person, we have to be willing to sacrifice. Yes sometimes we must give things that we may not always want to give away, and included in this is our time. Time is very important because it is something that once gone will never be given back, but is necessary to give away to people we love in order to best strengthen the bond that we have with them.

Making the time out of our busy days to spend with those that we love is probably the best way to show someone that we care. Life is more about how present you are in somebody else's instead of how much material wealth that you are able or desire to give them. Instead of your relationships being about what you can spend on presents to your loved ones, make it about what you can spend in time with your loved ones, your presence.

zOMGah

I don't know,
I don't know when
But somehow you seemed to move right on in
Didn't look like any man I'd be with
So I decided I'd keep you as a friend
After we had started spending some time
I had to stop and look at you one more time
Its been a while since someones treated me right
I'm so glad I've got you in my life

uptothedate.

Hello peeps! Its been ages since ive last updated anything about me so here it goes. Well same old same old ive been busy and the only friend ive been meeting up with was muzzy! Hanged out with him twice since a few years back, nice catching up with him. My gurls, i dont know what theyve been up to lah because honestly i am super busy and whenever im free i just wanna laze at home or probably runaway to a place for some ME TIME. So i got myself some groupon vouchers, didnt get the spa thing tho because i cannot be urut-ed la. I dont know but somehow it hurts when they picit here and there.

On the Uni life, hmm first review went great i got a 6 if im not mistaken, second was fucked. My fault for not consulting my lecturers now and then but heyyyy :( i have nothing to show them bah so how to show lah right? Pfft. Sad sad. So yeah it wasnt good. I stayed up the whole night stoning infront of my laptop surprisingly i wasnt sleepy at all :D good sign na? Hurm my lecturer said if i kept on doing this i might see their faces again next semester? Seriosly dont be so mean to me lahhhh aku nak grad same time as my friends and wear that damn jubah and fuck mtiu for good. She was disappointed with me lah because kelas rajin datang but nak consult tu i macam malas. YES malas. I admit. Urghh i feel like i dont have the urge to do this anymore. I guess the whole final year jitters starting to kick in and yeah. My thesis, lecturer havent done any correction to it, i mean seriously, i dont even have my questionnaires in it!? How am i to do the findings? Unless i get the secondary data but that would be a rip off innit? sigh someday im gonna miss the uni life for real.

Got myself a dick mug. I officially own a dick haha thanks to muzzy la i got the mug at TDH, not such a bad place but its SO effing crowded!! Umm first time went to the beer factory too with him the other day, and it was as usual; crowded. I hate rowdy places because its so hard to talk to people like to catch up on things and stuff but yeah glad to know i have a new drinking buddy. Its bee a while ive drank tho. Daddy's birthday is on the 9th which is friday night tomorrow. Gotta build an excuse for mom, i know she hates seeing me going to my dads place in ipoh there. I mean, come on. Hes still my dad ma, mana boleh buang batu? In the end dia kasi wang juga sama saya. So hard having two sets of parents. Well mommy tak la. But i mean separate places to split myself. :) who knows i might not see my dad anymore? hee ;B

About me, now i kena demam panas suddenly. Out of no where, and out of all the 365 days in a year why now pulak sakit? Damn la, banyak plans okay. Potong stim la. Mmm the other day me and my brother was sittin on the bed in my room, BOOM cupboard atas hanging tu, jatuh on me and him. He kena keyboard lama i, HAHAHHA damn epic okay our faces. Muka macam nampak hantu or something mystical happened right before our very eyes. Dah la tengah tengok the ward at that time tu, haaa maybe the bass of my woofer shook the crap outta my cupboard hence, making it not stable and runtuh sudah. Sakit, my bahu and my tangan disabled ( sounding so dramatic but its true okay ). SO i think maybe i need a massage. Hurmm. I miss someone so badly but i dont know if its all worth missing? I mean yeah where will it all lead to anyway? Sigh. Decisions. This part of being an adult sucks. The older you get the more complicated decision making you have to make in life and its a bummer; BIG TIME. I feel like cutting my hair because i feel like its long already and its kinda making me feel rimas but if i cut my hair, i bet i'll look like s to the hit. hahahaha.

Umm I just pray to god la, not only in times of despair but also for the moments im still alive to feel and witness things in life. Things arent going so good, but god is great and im sure he has better plans for every failure in life right? Keeping myself on the positive side hurts man, but hey.. what doesnt kill you makes you stronger right? Hmm my lecturer said i could be a good copywriter because my taglines are catchy and i can write, but i feel that my grammar has gone upside down because its been a while since i spoke english like you know all those "konon" complicated words to make me sound sophisticated kinda thing. Man i need to read. I used to love reading. But now, deteriorated interest. See? Does that even make any sense at all to you? Macam tak je kan? Okay, IGNORE.

My cousin jasmine got married, congrats and now having a baby :D cant wait to be an aunt and welcome the new family member! Heehee. My throat feels like theres sand in it and you cant wash it off, so there's a small hawaii in my throat but it feel so......ITCHY!? I wish i could use the berus jamban or acid to just clear it out. Now i really need to lose weight because my friend asked me if its the shirt or have i gained weight. Maybe its the new look. -__-" Not good. Later jatuh saham babe, tak bernas la itu machammm ho? hehe.

See when i write, or type; my sms's and blogs are never short because i believe in expression. Some people think its trashtalking. Look, kalau tak suka cakap la. No need la " oh lazy to read ah ". Siot sakit hati, so nextime i know how to text la, all singkat short short ones only. Okay i think im gonna get my power nap now and maybe think on my tvc and billboard so i can consult my lecturers about it. MUST be a little bit more rajin dell, final sem FINAL SEMESTER LIKE BYE BYE UITM DI HATIKU AFTERTHIS. *cant wait* >.< i need a vacay!! A.S.A.P i want penang feringghi please? :) That will do just fine. So i shall update soon if i am rajin because im shivering now, my feet macam lemah lutut je. :o ITS A SIGN. Haahaha. Oklabai

xoxo,
Dell.

benci ?

I was fine before you walked into my life 
I hate your hair, your clothes and your style 
I hate your humor, your voice and your smile 
I hate everything that belongs to you Because they just remind me of you 
I hate you when you don’t even care to talk at me 
I hate you when you ignore the stupid me 
I hate to see you because the more I see you, the more I think of you 
I hate you when I wake up in the morning Because you are the first thing on my mind 
I hate you when I go to bed at night Because you are always in my dreams 
I hate you when I’m feeling lonely 
I hate you when you’re feeling sad Because you never share with me 
I hate you when I try to get close to you Because you never understand me 
I hate you because no matter how hard I try I cannot get you out of my mind 
I hate you because the truth is that I can’t hate you any more 
I hate you because I never hate you at all 

I hate you because you don’t know how much I <3 you

Dear stranger .

I’m not quite sure who you are or where you are, or even when we’ll meet. but i don’t think that really matters. I have hope that we’ll meet one day, an not just in that cliche’ way like all those guys before. No, when i meet you, i’ll know you’re the one, and you’ll know it too. We’ll have low times and high, we’ll defy all the things we thought were impossible together because that’s how strong our love will be. And then we’ll finally understand why we were hurt so many times before in our pasts. It was all leading up to this, this love that will bring us so much joy; people will think it’s something right out of a movie. And if we’re only meant to be for so long, i hope we can move on in the best way we can, and later on in life we’d tell our story like it was a book. and indeed it will be, just like a book. Whether our time is long or short. because that’s what soulmates do. they give us hope, and lead us to where we’re meant to be.

I can’t wait. But i will. till then,

Love,
Me

itchy , plis scratchy ? no ?

Woah ive never seen a guy wearing so much concealer and sounding so musculine before but his eyebags are almost the size of everest. Damn son. You need some sleep. Yeah anyway, ive got this suspicious feeling about you. Are you for real or do you have something up your sleeves? Because if you do i swear i will fucking hate you till the world ends. I dont fucking care. I mean ive been in this situation before and what do you do about it this time ? Nothing. Dude, i know you're practically doin ya thanggg and all but dont leave me hanging with questions lah, very typical of you to do so and i think that you are such a waste of time if you want something more than what i can provide than im sorry la i dont fit in your job requirements. Maybe youre chewing more than what you can swallow. Naaaa whatever it is come clean la, takboleh macam ni dow. Pfft. I hope you make your words sweet and delicious and they're all in bite size pieces so when you choke on em, atleast sedap sikit tekak tu nak menelan yo? ;)

Well im glad to know that i got 6 out of 10 % for my first review and i know that it might not be something i should be proud of and i am indeed so relieved that i did well enough for my work. I didnt have much sketches to show the lecturer and i think 6 was rather high but the lecturer understood my concept and ideation and im glad she did because i was panicking when i explained her what the hell i wanted to do for my project. OH god please be with me through this tough steps in life and grant me the patience and will to do my work without this negativity and procrastinating sickness. THESIS THESIS THESIE THISSUCKS. I know i can do it right, i mean its just 5000 words? fuck me then. GAwrgh. ok update sebentar lagi ! chalo i wanna continue my family guy, new girl, terranova and 500 days of summer sappy movie. kisskiss.

isuckmoment.

Well hello . im feeling rather lost at the moment. TOUCHE ! First of, who the hell doesnt know what hiatus means. ITS ENGLISH. Maybe latin translated or something but yeah, for fucks sake, are you seriously that dumb? Aduh and yet you call yourself a businessman. Choy. You need some serious deep deeeeeeep reading my dear friend, and perhaps a dictionary. Since you have a smartphone(s) install those dictionary apps on your damn phone because it will come handy someday when you wanna know some english words. Study jauh-jauh but tsk tsk so bangang. SAD. Membazir parents you punya duit saja hantar jauh-jauh bagus saja biayai pembelajaran aku. Hahahah so skema.

Oh well, moving on. I didnt literally did it for attention. Part of it yes, but most of it no. It was more like to see how much youd trust me and whether you really give a rats ass about whats going on. So much for the green light. That doesnt pass of as stealing because i gave it back! :/ maybe you see me as some sorta psycho tamak person, but sigh if you think that way then apapa saja lah yang buat mu bahagia. AS of for now, i wont do that again dah. What was i even thinking you meant what you said. My bad lah then. FIN.

Assessments after assesments and assignments after assignments, people always said that uni life is the best part in life but yeah i agree to that tho. Its always like that. I loved highschool years before except the drama's ofcourse. It was so hassle free and you pretty much dont need to worry about anything except for studying. I should have been more studious instead of wasting my youth macam tu saja. Menyesal much ? Sangat. Nevermind,whats done is done, we make mistakes so suck it up honey, life's bittersweet moment is just about to add on soon. Whats up with you guys from school ? Been ages since ive last saw any of you. I hope everyone i know is doing good and godbless yawwwl.

If ive hurt you in anyway or made you felt betrayed, im sorry. Wasnt my intention anyway, if you dont forgive me and decide to not be cool about it. Hey, im cool about. Your life. You decide. I shouldnt be ranting this guilt or insecurity i have but hey its a blog, and im pretty sure people who reads it are like " is that me? who she talking about ". Naa, i dont put names unless i really want you to be a superstar for a few glorious moments. Little do i know, this feelings i have inside, the thought of missing you is like WOAH and im stronger than this right? Or maybe i thought i was, BUT I KNOW I CAN BE STRONGER THAN THIS BECAUSE IVE BEEN THROUGH WORST AND THIS IS JUST A MINOR PEEKABOO. Youre so far away, can it ever work even if we wanted it to? Are you willing to make room for a future for us? -_-" for some reasons i have a big fat doubt telling me no *slaps myself back to reality* Haihh okay lah. I think im gonna stop for now. Enough procrastinating already, sketches to be done tak cam banyak pula. Bye bloggers and bloggerina's. Muah.

Day 28.

Well well well, today i have a sakit perut yang woah omg nya line and yea i was in the hospital a few weeks back doctor said i had some blood infection and some really bad case of food poisoning or something like that. But i dont think so bah :( my brother and mom okay je makan :| or is it just me that had that food poisoning and shyte!? Danng ma niggurhhs. horror mak cakap u, horror. I dont think it was it, must have been something wrong with my system that it refuses to accept the makanan dalam my very own system. :( not nice la like that.

Haa, dont you just hate it when someone misunderstood your niat and all when you really meant another thing? Yeah i know and i get it almost all the time, maybe its due to my lack of expression or something i dont know. Or is it because im too blur at times whereby i dont even know what im talking about when im texting? Sheesh, talk about drunk texting and dialing; sleep texting and dialing? Perhaps the new trend for me. Sigh bukan itu maksud aku tu ha, i meant it in a goooood way, just cause you see it all in text thats why. Well i guess sorry doesnt change the fact now does it? Pfft. Oh well i wonder if some people know whats exactly going on when i write a post but just so you know my world doesnt revolve around you. Purpose of this blog was to rant out my feelings on how i felt, the readers who literally reads this wont actually get a name or a clue of what im trying to say and i bet you analyze and like "is she talking about me or...." hahaha EPIC la i can imagine your faces. No no kalau i was talking about you, you can google your name and if youre lucky, it might just pop up. No hiding secrets in here, because afterall i dont think anyone reads.

Moving on, so this is my final year, whats gonna happen i wonder.. Will i grad with flying colours? kinda demotivated at the moment with my mom being all not so supportive on things i do and ideas i opt out to her and shes all like "no may, this is like this...that one no can do, blablabla ask your dad, im not paying for it". Dude if i was working with my own salary i wouldnt have asked a single penny and let alone make your life miserable in any way. Wait till i get my own job and maybe change the car since baby k is not doing so well lately. Sorry beebee ha, i have to let you go sooner or later because i wanna ride far and go the distance tingkatkan prestasi bersama shell. KIDDING. I love baby k its just that susah ah nak kehulu kehilir. Its not feeling well cannot travel far far :(

Back to my final year, im soo fucking blur at the moment and its like what the fuck was i even thinking when i literally switched my laptop on and stare blankly for like...half an hour? DUDE seriously terasa bangang seketika. Work load is so so but come on, its like 3 more months...you can do it right dell ? Ive lost my spirit and willpower and i better get it back on track or else i wont be seeing that VC this time around and welcome my stay in uitm sucks alam. People look down on graduates from Uitm, WHY? Well, i know its not the best uni anymore because of the standards that has gone way below the line but we can make it a better place ONLY if we employ more good and nurturing lecturers. There are very few of that kind. Maybe the generations today is making those lecturer feel like there is no need or a necessity to perk or spike or put some sparkle in the way they teach sudah sebab kita ni majority student macam lalek sik lalek? apooh, nda ulih bakanya. Well im not a big fan of my university but people just have this mindset of " hey where do u study?" and; "uitm"..their reply would be "oh.................................". Sheesh, atleast were pursuing our knowledge and credibility there before we step in the working zone. Plus hey, it saves alot compared to a private U. Total for education i reckon ive spent less than 10k. Inclusive of makan minum tol rent books gadgets and all. See? MIRACLES do happen.

Lama gila tak mencarut in here and i think ive lost my spark already in writing :( my language proficiency has gone down the drain with part of my knowledge being dissolved. Now its like ideas thru a pen. Before was, solution and equations and all. But this time around its different. What kinda hell have i got myself into. MATI na camtok? Breathe dell, its all gonna be over soon just push yourself off limits even if it kills you bare in mind : 3 months to go and then BOOM youre ____________ <---- that close to sniffing the word freedom. Lepas tu work lah right.

Pergh i think its more than 28 days la this post because i save and write n save and write. HAHAHAH. LAPUK. Anyway this is the latest updated scene. Love ya! <3

omg

Hi i feel like i have no friends and yes, no friends lah padahal smua ada je kat sini . saja rasa gedik, sik boleh ka? pfft . au la, oklabai ~

the sixteen 0 five capsule with a gist of rakanmuda.

No matter how tight you were in class and what not the fact is if youre in deep shit, youre in it alone. Real friends are suppose to be with you like till whenever. Not ignore you and be all oops not my problem. Well see here's something i hate having "friends" like that. When they need a favour then suddenly you're the closest and the only living thing on earth they could talk to, but when you count on em for a favour, all they do is shrug and be invisible. Fuck that.

No more will i tolerate shits from fucks like you. I've had it. yes im very upset now. because i feel all alone and lonely. I dont know why, maybe im pulling myself away from this small clique of mine, not that i hate you guys but somehow i feel the hate from ya'll. Except a few tho, thank god there are still nice kind people. UNLIKE you, snobbish conniving bitch. I asked you a simple question ya'll pushed me around here and there like you know nothing. Fucking selfish innit? Tak kemana pun cik kak oi knowledge tu, kalau mati esok pun, ha sana je la knowledge kau tu. Apa dosa ke nak share your knowledge with others? Sheesh. Kemut, pantat kuning they call it in kamus dewan bahasa, yes for kedekut. Pantat kuning. Kau ada? Ofcourse kau ada. Waaah so Yes, i called you a bitch because you are turning to be one. No lain kali you expect me to help you out, i'll CONSIDER. Yes, jangan kau nak buat palat sangat dengan aku. Baik kau dengan aku, 10x baik aku dengan kau. Buat jahat dengan aku, aku tak buat apapa sebab kau memang tak wujud dalam dunia aku dah. Samji ? Bhaz.

Okay :) think positive, look good to feel good dellany these creeps wont stop till youre down low. So akhir cerita ini, saya maafkan kamu semua yang telah memalatkan hidup saya. Lupa? Ambil masa lo. Okay lah. Goodbye dunia.

I think i have a sickness, its called imissyousomuchitwouldbenicetohearfromyousoon : (
sekianthanksbai.

1605 almost reaching day two .

Nervous ? Worried ? Yea. Why havent you called or text me. Urghh :( i hope everything's okay. I'll be here waiting like dash berlin said waiiiiiitingggg. Yes dell, wait.

1605 QH Day 1.

I dont like this, will i keep blogging the days i sit and wonder about the what if's and why and will it ever kinda questions? DELL you think too much. Yes i know i hear that all the time. I cant help it, its like an involuntary action that suddenly has a play button on autohit click. Well while keeping myself busy with whatever i can get my hands on,will i still think and think and wonder and blog? Well yeah i think i shall.

Anyway, hello reader. yeah i am not feeling well. Yesterday i witnessed something funny yet i wasnt in the mood sangat la but well, was fun looking at them doing things like that. hehehe. Im like having a bad phlegm now, fever and yes i lost my voice. You cooked me a soup that warms my soul. Just another day, nothing's any good. I miss you. ALOT. I have another 180 days or maybe less aint that right? Urgh. Will i disappoint my future if i stayed , i had so much to do i have to carry on. I wonder if this grief will ever be gone, will it ever go. Time will tell, dellany may you are a strong wonderful woman. You can graduate on time and you will not let anything get in your way of holding a degree in your own hands with your own sweat. You will be somebody someday. YES YES YES. *prep talk aint my thing, but i gotta do it :] sorry if it seems cocky or so.*

Much love from the first day when it hit my head you're...gone,
Dellany May.

Sarcasm Orgasm.

Dont spell the word out like im too stupid to understand.

Dont make things obvious when it is clearly not the things i wanna hear.

I feel like a mosquito flying around you and yeah mosquito's annoy people dont they? My voice is annoying to you? OKAY.

Dont play games with me. I am not in the mood anymore to deal with it.

Things were fine, hey why ruin my day by killing me with my pet peeves?

You think i have no feelings? Think again. More than you do ofcourse.

What i hate the most is this feeling inside me, sleepless useless and whatever___ with a less at the back.

I work 2 weeks or 3 weeks straight a month, you got an issue with that? I dont. Fine, im lifeless. Im boring. Confession made. Now u wanna rub it to my face by not making me feel better? "I love it so much, im starting to tear already".

My patience can only take so much. So im sucking this up and yeah...Goodnight.

ohoho

i know you've been stalking . who would google my blog anyway -_-"

erh

i dont need a boy , i need a man .

kthxbye .

jar of heart ( no "s" because ive only one bah )

I don't want attention, it's not why I'm sad
No I'm not angry with you, but at myself I am quite mad
I let myself be weak when I knew I could be strong
I know you aren't right, yet you are not wrong
For if it's what you feel who am I to judge
I can't be like that to you; I cannot hold a grudge

Tonight
As I lie alone 
In my bed, I wonder
Is there someone out there waiting
Just for me? My eyes closed tight
I ponder the thought.

I want to feel content

With a love that I won't resent

To heal my broken heart and make a brand new start

For every night I still pray

that the one I met is here to stay
i have hope.

FUCK

Will someone just choke me and smack me at the moment i reeallly need to decide now or never . sigh . Urgh okay deep breath and meditate with ********.

I have been butterflied .

Being a single, successful, sassy and sophisticated lady is an exhilarating feeling. 

You’re climbing the career ladder by yourself, choosing when you want to go out for martinis with your best girls, going to bed when you please, and making weekend plans, all without consideration of what anyone else thinks.It’s exciting to feel independent and make choices without consulting someone else first. Nevertheless, it’s possibly a little more thrilling to know that someone else is part of the equation and is competing with everything else in your life for your time and attention. And perhaps, it’s a little scary too. Relationships take you by surprise, much like a butterfly’s presence- you never expect when they’ll come about, and when they do- they distract you, and steal your concentration from what you’re life used to be. It’s easy to get used to the parade of jerks that many women fall subject to. Believing that something you can trust and fall into is out there- and ready to fall with you- is frightening. It almost seems too good to be true.

But, just because Mr. I Don’t Want To Commit, Mr. I Only Want To Sleep With You, Mr. I’ve Never Taken a Shower in my Life, and Mr. Sleazy Creepy Pants always seem to give a bad rep to the male population as a whole- there are some guys- that are rare and far between that want more from you than your body- and know how to make you smile from ear-to-ear. Once you find Mr. This Could Be Something Special- it’s natural to feel a little uneasy. It’s almost an indescribable feeling of excitement, anticipation, curiosity and fear. Excited for a new journey with someone who is promising, anticipation for what’s to come next, curiosity of what they’re like, of how you work together, of where it’ll go, and fear of falling too hard, too quick, and that you won’t be able to break your walls down to let them in. Or just afraid that if you hold on too tight- they may just escape from you. Just like the butterfly.And although, you may just want to relax and ignore the butterflies- it’s better to allow yourself to feel them. You should permit yourself to be distracted by the beauty that’s suddenly dancing, fluttering around you. And you ought to allow yourself to be a little scared, a little anticipant- it’s all part of enjoying bright beginnings that possibly could lead to your happy ending.

You can never anticipate the arrival of a butterfly; they are constantly moving, traveling from one place to another, and only rarely do they land to rest for a moment.Gently, the fly around you, teasing you with their beauty and tempting you to reach out and touch them. If only for a moment, to feel their soft texture and capture their splendor inside your hands.Yet, you do not want to confine a butterfly for very long in fear that somehow, in someway, it will be harmed and escape from you before you have chance to hold it close. The butterfly may escape from you and it may not stick around for very long- but it’s not that often that something mysterious and beautiful comes to rest on your shoulder for a while.

placebo .

" They may also neglect you, disappear from time to time without any care for your feelings, and blame you for their cheating, negative behavior, failures. By the same token, they may even accuse you of encouraging flirtatious behavior from the opposite sex or infidelity because it is a reflection of what they subconsciously want to do or are in the process of already doing. S/he may encourage codependent behavior to discourage abandonment. You are afraid to leave them because you don't feel you can do better, or survive without them."

Nicely put.

Dont .

Hold me close and don't let go;
I'm so scared to be alone.
I've been by myself for too long,
And always had to be strong.
Now I only want to rest;
And lay my head on your chest.
Hold me close and don't let go;
These wars I fight no one knows.
Now whisper how you love me,
Say it tender and softly.
I am weary and soon will sleep,
But with you no longer will I weep.
So hold me close and don't let go,
For I never want to be alone.

terkesima .

I feel your fingers slipping away from me,
The tips of mine are barely holding on.
Latching on tightly to what little I have left,
Clinging  to what first had me drawn.

Your caring ways for someone you barely knew,
Making me laugh just when I thought no one could.
Embracing me without even touching a single part,
Falling in love with you, even when I thought I never should.

You made me feel whole again, like no one else has,
My confidence went to amazing new levels.
Feeling as though no one could bring me down again,
The love I felt no one could take away, not even the devil.

As I sit here now, shedding these tears of unsureness,
Wondering how I went wrong, or where I started losing.
I'm so uncertain about where things will go from here,
Until I know, without a doubt, hoping it's not me your using.

today i dont feel like...

A simple hello or to hear your voice can change a million things .

I told you so .

DILEMMA: "I’m feeling fed up and don’t know what to do or where to turn. I don’t think that I am depressed, but I’ve certainly been feeling increasingly sad over the past few days. I can’t put my finger on the reason behind this melancholic feeling.

However, I do know that I have lost my zest for life. In a nutshell, I think that is the best way to describe it. No one has seemed to notice, because on the surface everything looks fine. I am sure people looking at my life think it’s probably perfect.

Dash berlin - i want to go so badly but mei you qian .

Do i care about what might happen in life ? Naa .

Toil, that is the word I would use to describe my condition now. Toiling all day long, toiling and do not have enough sleep. Toil and toil and I want to sleep, I want to rest, but simply have no time. 'Circumstances' would not allow me to have such 'luck' -- to have a good rest.

I am feeling very sleepy, lethargic and really blaghhh. But I have no time to sleep now. I have no leisure time. I have no time to read newspaper and no time to read books. Most of all I want to snap out of this rut. I realise I am very lucky in life, but I just want to be able to enjoy it more. 

sekian terimakasih .

kerayzi wumeng .

people , this is what i call insanity . I laughed today at the office and i was angry at the same time . URGH . Ntah apa je . Oh well , the smell of smelly feet or socks or sweaty sour salty shirt made my day , i think it was like some bad addiction goin on man . Stupify kejap . Hahahahaha okay chupchup gotta go, malam 11:56pm goodnight and goodbye .

Maybe that's the last :) good good .
xx

Kan ?

Bagus nothing dari something yang macam nothing .

Digs.

Relationship implies the state of being related by kindred, affinity, or other alliance to a person or a group of persons. Relationships may refer to either interpersonal or intimate relationships. In the words of Franz Kafka, “The relationship to one's fellow man is the relationship of prayer, the relationship to oneself is the relationship of striving; it is from prayer that one draws the strength for one's striving.” Relationships help us to grow better with the help and support of one another. People prosper and progress in relationships. Quite often a man’s professional success is attributed to his relationships with others. Relationships need to be preserved and taken care of .The secret to healthy relationships is developing a sense of understanding and sacrifice to ensure the unity of your relationship. This is clearly testified by the words of Joseph Campbell, “When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.”

love.

Ya aku sayang sama tante ! muahmuahmuah makasih bangat jadi great inspiration dan support buat aku tante! tunggu aku di singapura , ya :)

basah

scared ah when i post something so... bold ? ahahaha nothing looking at pitbull gives me the chills up my spines . awesomehotsexythangiloveyourslangandlaughyoucheekypitbullyoumuahmuahkthxbye,

marah

angry, upset bout so many things today . angin kurang elok, stay the fuxk away from me to those who has issues, bring em later please kalau tak nak kena tiao. Puki ptptn blacklisted me from going outta malaysia because i didnt settle my loan, thing is aku tak kerja lagi kot !!!!! PUNDEK ! ahhhh wait wait waaaaaaaaaaaait wahai ptptn , after the years of you ptptipu-ing me, mampos kau ! URGHHHHHHHHH i wish iwas a billionaire now, settle this . Aku baru 23 and dah hutang govt 3% interest kot time tu . Niaaaaaaaaa senggg!!! maderrrrkkkk ! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa fuck.

okaythanksbye.

*toot toot* hello ?

HERRO ?Currently changing my song for my blog layout. Yes i wish you were here but i got no sand to dig my toes dear. :) So hello, i think i've left this blog inactive for so long and i think i need to give an update. So, here i am typing my milestones out. Blogs, they're considered personal, and i mean i dont pass people my links and tell "eh read la my blog wei, damn nice" or promote it around. I mean i write whatever i feel like writing. So safe to say i believe in freedom of speech.

 Talking about freedom of speech, i wonder why people get offended of things i say in this blog. I mean sometimes its not about you but if you think you can relate yourself to this then, well youve done a good job but sometimes my world doesnt relate around you UNLESS i put your name in it for my own future references just incase i get hit by a bus and lost my mind later on, who knows? Do ya ? Naaa i dont either. Let god decide. Okay enough bull, mari bercerita!


June was intense. Now its already july and happy birthday bestfriend amira ezamshah, i larveee yuuhhhh. Umm been hanging out alot, recently went for my friends birthday party, the girlfriend was sweet enough to plan a huge birthday and it all went well. plus i mean dapat ps3 kot. sial, aku nak jadi boyfriend kau boleh? hahaha. Naah i come in peace. :D So then, internship kah? Umm that one a little bit okay la better than first time semua benda gelabah semacam things fallin down and all and i was just like errr ahahah buat bodo je kan. Lama-lama i got used to it and yeah still gettin used to deadlines yang awesomely ridiculous tho. In the office there's alot of nice people and really supportive and very patient with my grandma like way of doing work and no im not fast at it and it annoys me the most when i cant even do my work according to their time line and im still catching up on things tho. I can do this, yaaa dellany may anda bulleh lar.


Seterusnya, what else ah.... Oh yeah umm this is my last month to do internship and i plan to like, go on for a vacation or a surprise trip. Where? Wouldnt be a surprise if i said it now but well, chill. Not yet not yet. Slooowly :D Well the love life ar, abit hard wei. I dont really know whats been going on lately and im unsure of where it leads me to. Puzzle and maze im stucked in and wonderin if i would be able to crack this like some da vincci code or something would be cool la eh, but the thing is i cant. Sometimes simple things can be complicated and when it happens, i swear i feel like hulk. Suddenly all hijau, hahaha swamp thing or seaweed monster. Okay teringin nak makan sushi since afternoon and seaweed actually. Bahhhhh later la i go feast. Back to the story, i actually wonder kan do guys get annoyed when girls ask them "what are you thinking?" What are guys usually thinking about if they say "nothing" ?


Men have this extraordinary capability of sitting in one position with our minds completely blank, thinking about absolutely nothing. Generally, when we respond like so, we mean it. However, occasionally we might be thinking about something very important to us. Agree ? Plus i think this is reallyyyy realllyyyyyy stupid. As a girl i can honestly say i dont talk in codes much unless i dont want others to understand ke tak la kan But sorry to downgrade your intelligence ke apa. I think i do speak english or any bahasa yang senang faham and believe it or not and its not a "code". If a guy doesnt catch a hint or understand what im saying...then he's either literally deaf or dumb or blind or verbally challenged. Everyone is capable of change, but they have to make the change to their behavior, not the person that has been palat-ed la right. Well to my knight and shining armor i shall sit and wait, wait and see of what might come, come what may. Hahaha belit la cinta. fuck yo ini suda messed up; NEXT UP !


Went shopping recently, online shopping pun ada juga sikit and now, broke sial. Dah my dad give me less than what i expected. Oh no no no daddy, bad daddy. Sigh, cant pow mom. I plan to go but a spectacle frame thats cheap and get my glasses done, because im seriously going blind soon. Hari-hari mengadap laptop why not, rosak la mata aku. My back strained , eyes too. Im going to die soon if i am physically and mentally stressed this way. I cant think out of the box , yes creativity saya terbantut disana sahaja, but i guess i'm getting used to the new way of WORKING IN AN ADVERTISING/EVENT/BLABLA company. Huhuhu. Okay im losing my mind, was supposed to do my work but i melencong. Kejap only la, not long ma i mengular for a while plus its past my bed time already :| sheets. Mom enrolled me, chewah enrolled. Umm yeah in 101 haircare due to the whole hair issue thing. yeah, lets see if it has any difference or not la in a few months time :D simply cant wait to see the results. 


I spent the afternoon to the saloon, had a upper body massage, watched harry potter, had an awesome lunch till i am broke, during lunch there was a stranger who sat with me at fridays. Do fridays serve rentboys? Lol. Anyway he was a nice guy, talked on things like life "bersih" education and yes, he left a tissue with his number but i didnt take it because i dont usually do or get this kinda response before but actually pernah just that i was shocked, ahahah :D Okay i think im gonna make a move to my beloved bed :D sleep and rawr rawr with my pillows >.< 


I feel so unpretty already u know whyyyyy!! Because ah, i think ive lost my aura. Ive lost touch of how to give my aura out to others, what is it with me alreadyyyy :( sighhhhhhhhhh. OKAY i think this post took me three days or more to finish because either i get sleepy writing or i suddenly have work to do or whatsoever, duno. So im ending it here, because actually got update somemore la.

rentetan

hello post how are you ? Life's good at the moment i guess. Started practical and then i'm pretty much learning new things. you know what theres so much to say at the moment so if theres any typo or hyphen i missed sorry. well to kick things off lets start on the blissful events. recently went back to kuching to sarawak, had fun but not really as i was "slapped" by some immature person for no bloody purpose maybe sebab dia kurang aja ke apa i dont know and i dont care. love and romance? you tell me!? -_- and then comes practical where i sangkut at this illustrator part kan, i rasa nak nangis la sebab macam tak reti je buat the ukuran and all. sigh. I felt bodo.

Other than that as day goes by im doing just fine with internship i guess, kena habis kan kerja and all i dont know what am i gonna do. I just feel so stressed out at the moment. Left office with a happy feeling , now i feel like shit. So if shit makes you feel better, shit it is. Cheers. Ni dah after how many days its like 24th of june ni babe. Hahahhahah lapuk sungguh aku dalam blogging ni. Not nice. :) so anyway maybe a month later i sambung my rentetan hati.

hello !

I have totally given up hope on most things in life especially my studies now la kan sebab i macam dah malas and totally out of shape to step and snap back to reality. I wanna be the person who will be able to succeed and all but shit, through this hardship? WEI PENAT WEI. Sigh, let alone physically abusing myself. EMOtionally and mentally challenged i must say. Now im physically sick and yeahhhh lama gila tak mencarut in this blog of mine. Nadai ngawa, here i am today to update you on my life. Well, some of my friends are already getting married and yet i wonder how old am i gonna be when i get married hahahah. 40 ? 30? Anything as long as i go euro trip and do one fine crazy thing and then, hello husband i'm ready to be called wifey! huhu.


And this very nice month of may was awesome. Friends celebrated my birthday at cocobanana, thanks afiah ryn and the guys. Most of all you <3 thanks for the whole exciting month and experience youve given me throughout our relationship. I really appreciate it. Its true when they say love comes and go, but for some reason i think ours might just be there to stay. Hmmm. Or atleast i think la it stays. Dont be manchal la then i'm cool with it. Im starting internship in june, till august, then a month off i was thinking of lazying around the place. for the mean time. Maybe go see you :) catch up on things. Pfft im a sucker for love , no? haha you guessed it. Presents for my birthday?? Nothing much. Basically its one mighty fine alcoholic incident with my friends and my DAD. Damn now i party with my dad. Erkk, dont you love me anymore pa to let me get fuckin wasted infront of you :| sigh . me is scared. LOL. The whole overprotective father of mine has now turned into "wanna drink? drink up!".


Apa lagi, yes major i dont know if i failed or i didnt, and about the exam for ATH i dont know if i was actually barred or not for the examinations. We'll see next semester. How dare they bar us students. Pffft. I mean i did the work and submitted all the assignments, but give me a break. Graphic Design wasnt in my field at all before this. It was only a GIST. BOOHOO dell. Now my chest hurts like rasa macam nak meletup je my dada ni, dont know why la but yes, sakit sungguh tidak terkata. Too much cloud i guess. Probably because i caught the sickness from iqa. :( not nice. Someone come jaga me a.s.a.p hurmmsssss. Ne dubby ow :\


Hello there, i wonder what you're doing. Its been a while i haven't wrote in this blog of mine. I kinda miss you. Were so far apart, maybe hours if we fly, days or months if i swim or sail. Sigh. I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you do your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. Spare me another life because i think im suffocating. Im so messed up atm. Why does the dudes out there seems so fragile and fixable yet when you hold them, its already broken and waiting to be glued. Well maybe the saying was right ay? If its broken, just let it break. Tell me something i dont know. YIKES.

Well okay i mencarut next time, gotta lipat baju and then head home to klang where my cage awaits this beast. sebab tak kemas lagi punya pasal. I sooo need to change the sheets. Totally yuck. Hahahhaa. xxxx

much love,
thepersonwhosnosesedangmengalirdenganhinguscairandpekat.

rasa ?

I've been such a bad girl . HAHAHA .

resah .

I thought so , the things that was in my premonition happened . I dont like it . As much as i'd love to live in denial now it just doesnt seem like a good idea to do anything at the moment .

You promised me a rose garden , and im so waiting for the roses . Dont let me down . If you're not a man of words, then drop it right now la kan. I dont want any false hope. So i know how this all ends and i hope it all ends well . Sigh , i hate love . And why the hell is it always raining !! not metaphorically la but seriously sky!? I hate driving in the rain kot . ISHNESS . By the way baby, i miss you . <3

Assignments and shits melampaui batas keghairahan jari dan otakku . Redah je . Barred for a subject ? Mo man tai . Cuba settle if not, next semester i'd have to chew on liberal studies if theres none .

Chop chop gotta go , klang is hollering my name and yes, Shah alam; time to study, mandi and all . No malas malas please dello . <3 <3

huh

what am i suppose to feel or how am i suppose to react .

Act a fool ? Maybe .

Saja cari pasal ? Malas .

Aku ada . Kau ada ? Apakah ?

Kalut at the moment but please understand this . I will not bow my head or mend my heart if it all falls down .
I've got a strong feeling it wont be a good sign . God have mercy . Amen .

Back to my assignments .
-love you.

ze ze ze ze blablabla ze .

i need a vacation . it feels like my world is falling apart . i'm tearing it up slowly ke, someone tearing it up for me ni . damn confused . Aigh , well damzell in distress is gonna hit the bed , i gotta be all ikea-ish tomorrow . Lotsa love yaw !~ xx -dell.

I think ive lost it . Should i try to find it or just biar je ? Thinking about it la . hehehe . Goodnight .

History .

Dear jerk/prick/idiot/bastard,

You're calling me ,pretended nothing happened before and you yet dare to see and talk to me . WOW . What mighty balls you have there my friend , i'm not your fucking laundromat so leave me alone and fuck off . You're a worthless stupid dumb fuck bloody bastard , prick son of a b*&^% . Well yeah, damn you've hurt me before , im not gonna let it happen again . Enough la , you were never good for me and you know what; for the times i was down, you practically shrugged me off your shoulders like dust . Im not doing revenge but doesnt it just taste like...your own medicine and oh perhaps a gist of karma in your fucking spine . I know you're stalking this , here's one big ass FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER , my life was way better without you before and it has been better ever since the day you said goodbye . I deserve seomeone waaaay better than you , and diss me all you like honey, you're only mad because you cant have someone to accept all your nasty ways of loving, the lies, the abuse and yeah , i feel sorry for you . I felt sorry for myself for letting myself be the object of your love and to be abused as such  . WHAT WAS I THINKING? I dont know , I forgive but i cannot forget or atleast i know it'll take time to forget . I wish you well in life now , for the sins and goodness in life lets call it dutch . It was NOT fun seeing you just now and i admit i am angered by your ways , do you have to be sarcastic and make that dickface of yours depan girlfriend kau and depan aku and kawan aku ni ? OMG if i only knew that you were friends with my other friends i wouldnt bother going at ALL . Sorry zsa, i didn't mean to chao like that . Will make it up to you soon ya :) . Back to the madness, Then when you're alone with me you're some saint-sorry ? You ruined everything in life for me, if you were really nice and all and if only i wasnt naive i bet i wouldnt be where i am right now . Bro Hello, its 2011, grow the fuck up la please . I've moved on , so did you . I dont want to hear your apologies anymore or explanations about what had happened and all . Just shut up and stop right there . Ha, if its sorry you're asking for , done . Thats it , diampun. Now go away run along . I dont need you in my life anymore . Fuck what a bad day to start off with . I dont need to justify myself anymore . I'm done ranting .


Who wrote this with so much emotions bottled up inside ,
Dellany May anak Ungin .

Feelings . Awak ada ?

Dear you , I'm hurt . Ive eyebags the size of niagra falls , probably could cause a flood if i continued boohoohoo-ing for a few more days . Sheesh . Im sorry . Im just so weak and lame . I know right ? :)


Didn't know i was funny . I love you so muchehehehhehhe . Funny; FIN . OUCH


How would you feel if the only thing in life you wanna run to and make them the first to know about everything, makes you feel like the last thing on earth they'd want to hear from ? Geez . I dont know . Oh wait , Ouch .


Im scarred for life . Its not easy for me to open up to things i don't like talking about . What have i done wrong ? Or ; Where did we go wrong ? Or am i just having one of those delusional psychogirlfriend moments ? Get a grip dell . Ouch abit only .


Ouch ouch ouch and billions of ouch . AKAI !


I wanna cry but i dont think there's any tear left . Good la kot , if i go blind would you still love me ? Thinking twice; i dont think so . No more tears ala-ala baby johnnson shampoo .




Stop this shit dellany . You're stronger than this . What happened to you . Get the fuck up and fight bitch .
*inner voices chanting* ~ L O S E R ! L O S E R !




I shall vow , since i was dump'ed before by the ex's and the ex's that ive dump'ed . this is for all of you la . Not just ex ke apa . Wa speaking in general la . Listen up bitches .




We must learn to love the fool in us the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries before we fall for the other fools .


I love you so much and i dont know what to decide anymore . It's in your hands . You seem wise enough to make the decision . I cant and do not want to decide . If you read this send a text to me with this code "ouch". :) take care. ILYSFMWD


<3 xxx

ribbit chirp chirpo .

frogs , birds , all doing the nature call eh, washing machine i pun okay , its rolling the shit outta the clothes. Anyway, LOTS or may i say too much has been going on lately and i dont really know where to start. Damn it. So whatever, recently ive been going through this emotional rollercoaster and i didnt get what the hell was really bothering me really. It bothers me to not know whats bothering me.

Friends come and go. Good ones stay, temporary friends only find you when they need to. Are they even true friends? I barely know what friendship means now. I feel there's alot of tension and drama that doesnt need to be there at all, but it seems like some people cannot live a day without it, tsk tsk tsk PITY. I do not appreciate people breaking promises, So next time. A reminder; If you cant do it, DONT. It fucking annoys the fuck outta me. I'm not a 6 year old, i'll understand where youre coming from if only you couldve told me in a professional way. What happened to all my friends. The really good ones, hard to find. Backstabbing bitching lies after lies. Hello, this is not Rosalinda okay. Urgh enough making sitchs like some god damn soap opera already!!

Recently a friend of mine broke up with the boyfie. Turns out he has been doing shits like cheating an shit. One thing that fucking ticks me off is that when a person betrays their partner. i mean for fucks sake , keep your pussy/dick in your pants and whatever sexcapades you have in mind, Stays in the mind lah. If you cant afford to be serious or to keep a commitment , dont bother having one. By the time you ought to fix things, there'll be nothing left to fix. Its said and done. Bitter heart like zee avi sang. I hate men and women who are home wreckers/snatchers. My dad, phewh. Went to one hell of a draama. My stupid step bitch my dad remarry, seriously pa, did u not see that she is a dirty slut. Fuck man, get a grip. If sex was revolving around your world, fuck yourself je la.

Aku tak paham betol la nafsu manusia ni. Why do we intend to have more than what we can swallow. GREEDY. I can tolerate la kalau u were to have scandals around when youre NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP la cerita dia. If you're in a rel. then you still wanna get different types of hugs and kisses, fuck you downright till the core of the earth and yes i lose respect to people like that regardless of who or what they are. Im interested in knowing the threesome life thing but to You can look but u cant touch. Keep it in, i'll respect. I mean you dont wanna go all bahamen and we gon be like "who et the dogs out" right ? Since im a female, ya'll would use the term Bitch instead dog. Kan? ahahha. Thought so. Stick to one dick/pussy lads, all that humping and thumping and sucking might cost you your health someday ay?

Friends do come and go. I guess i'm letting some people in my life go for good. No point keeping them and its like, True. They are not worth my time. Honey, it doesnt mean i quit on you no, but the fact is im tired of trying to help you see what youve become today aint something i know or like to know. You were so different before. Geeze, get your acts straight. Youre slacking. Not cool. I want my fiend back if its possible. But looks like its too late. :) so  fly off now. I'll be watchin you from afar. I hope you know what you're doing and dont bring more drama's to your life. Cheers.

my only current addiction ; the secret smell of this pillow .

=)

i wrote this for someone before . dont know if you remembered =)

I'm sorry for the way things were,
and the selfishness that you endured.
I'm sorry for the nights we lost,
and the deep pain it must have cost.
I'm sorry I wasn't there to show,
the deepest love you'll ever know.
I'm sorry for the empty days,
and the stresses that you still yet pay.
I'm sorry for the empty space,
that laid beside you in my place.
I'm sorry for the empty arms,
you fell into when times were hard.
I'm sorry for the days that passed,
Our love now will surely last.
I'm sorry it took so long to vow,
to love you forever here and now.

Love,
Dellany May.

hello 2011 .

Dear all , how have you folks been doin lately ? Im sorry for the long 'MIA'. Wasnt really much to write in here but well, i guess i'll start off now. 29th was the date for a montlyversary, 29th was the date of my bestie's birthday, 29th was the day i started uni ( if think ah ). 29 , is that a good number ? macam baru nak masuk mid life crisis punya age kan ,29 ? hahah. I had fun with my loved ones , i love all of you so much and i wish you guys all a happy prosperous new year and hope it'll be a good one for all of us this year despite the good and the bad last year , the best is yet to come :)

Being alone, it sucks. To have a duo is fun, but sometimes your duo just aint what you expect. Why do we strive for perfection when were not even breathing the same air, walking the same pace, going the same distance and destiny, if ya know what i mean? I bet you do. but all those.... does it matter? Hurmms. having a long distance relationship is tough, i myself got into one. :\ tell me if im wrong but it just feels so right. I know right? Lol. 2011, i love you, so please.... love me abit atleast ?

Im definitely going to close this book and bad ass chapter of my life, and start fresh. Who knows this year will be awesome for all of us innit ? i hope it will be for me. i long to fill the empty space beside & inside of me. Someday :) i know for sure. The swears and promises -_-" must keep leh. Someday love, someday. Im so blessed for my life now although its been quite a pain in the ass but i love my life the way it is and i hope life will be good today onwards. please please please la faham, i need a better life than what i had before. Make it happen dell, this year is yours, hence, shake what yo momma gave yaa and rock the life like how its suppose to be. Work harder, play harder and most of all, finish this last year for real dellany may. POM PARAPAP. americano's anyone? hehehe. fucking i-cress is caressing my soul la , sebab apa its too SLOW AND RIDICULOUS LA TIMETABLE SMUA TAK BETUL LA DEI. why uni whyyy, setiap semester pelu ka gya? adoi.

Shit i miss you :( sakit hati la because i did text you and you didnt reply. Should i feel neglected? Naah. Youve been MIA so, i guess that'll be a good excuse :) hihihi. But i think you were afraid or not having any hopes to take things further with me in the future, so... its okay. Is it? I dont know. I guess i get it, or maybe i dont. Make it clear can kah? Wo bu ming pai ma. I dont want to end things :'( .. sigh. I love you bah..

I guess new year, everything goes new then right ? :) i feel like shit now i cant concentrate. Im hitting the bed. a Few nights being sleepless and all that emotions. Ouch. Goodbye cyberworld. hello bed and stars.

Much love,
me.