Long term memory lost, forgive and forget.

All i have left to say is.. Im sorry for everything and... I dont know what else to say or feel dow. Seriously. I just Hope you're doin just fine right na na na na. Heheh. Cheers! Daaaamn i got too many things on my mind right now, and i dont know where & when the hell should i start to do my work. Lazy to drive back home, but here goes nothing. God bless you and the world. I should stop procrastinating ay? Im giving myself the 40 days and 40 nights challenge. Oh days, please be kind to me. Lead me not into temptation and deliver me from evil. Heheh. Everyone in favour for a change say "rawr" ! >.< laters. Sure jam la federal. Palat. Wargh. Okiedoks. Muahmuah. Luvvyuuuu. Smashing my rearview mirror because from now onwards baby, i aint lookin back. :)

shattered ? maybe.

Im disappointed
it's just disappointment after disappointment
and then another disappointment
im not sure what to do
and who to look up to any more
because it seams every time I do
something bad happens to them
or they do something bad.
Im a patient person
and i will forgive alot
actually more than I should
but I allways get disappointed in the end.
And even my hero
he makes mistakes alot
but I always forgive him
But this time it's different
he said he was clean
but he lied
He lied.
he Lied to everyone
I couldn't believe it
I can't believe my eyes
my ears , his mouth.
I can't believe anything anymore
I just can't believe it
I just got disappointed again.
So now im not going to any more
because im not going to trust,
put my faith in, or hope for,
any one any more
ever again
Ever.

jerk this off.

Liar. Fuck man, this is just sick. Like sick as hell. You can play pretend so well and yet, lookie lookie, you're out there poppin and ballin like nobody's business. I dont care for one fact that we dont act like before. You treat me like the other jerks out there. But no, you played your cards so damn well that i couldnt see any flaws on you. I swear i dont know how im supposed to feel, happy? Mad? Upset? Whatever? I dont know. More like betrayed. I feel used and ah, fuck it lah okay? Ya'll are the same to me and i dont know what made me so stupid to still provide you my tlc. fuck aku tengah dalam the effing sick to my stomach phase now i dont even know how to look at you. EWW. This is so not happening. GOD. I cant believe you had the courtesy to do such a thing after all ive done for you. Call it dutch, seri ok? 0-0, maybe it wasnt such a good idea kan all the huha we had. FUCK dell, you got punkd and used and fuck you're such a joke right now. SNAP OUTTA IT WOMAN, this aint doin ya good.

Im heading off to kl so if you wanna meet me and talk, be a man. Tell me all the things youve been hiding before and please come clean. One of us is gonna go home feeling like shit today but yeah maybe the song patut publish now like "save the best for last?" Hmmm. Whatever it is, im just havin mixed emotions now. i cant describe. Marah, confused and annoyed sebentar. Urgh. Laters.

-dell-

kejadian sabtu pagi hingga afternoon 12:42.

4 more post and i'll have 200 posts. Gile babs. So anyway semalam instead of lepaking outside with em, i slept on the bed, senget pulak tu, masuk2 mama bising cakap apsal tdo senget, laptop apsal tak off, blablablabla. I was on the bed for about 5 minutes then zzzzzzzzz. Oh well, ni ian la never off the laptop pas guna. Ni na marah ni. cousin kept callin me for directions semalam, hope she found the place ah. Danau ada apa dow. da la ramai orang time cenni. Sigh.

Today sepatutnya pergi ke port dickson. ahhaha. Why dicky whyy. hahaha. So yeah, i was supposed to go but then again waiting for colin to confirm balik, one day trip. PD ada apa leh? Takda apa ma! Haiyaaa. Hari ini ku rasakan seperti hari yang gloomy, mengapa? Mengapa? Hmm. I dont like this feeling. I gotta keep myself occupied dow. Iqaaa mengapaa kau poie arini, ko balik kang jumpe aku straight. THIS IS AN ORDER. chewah. I know u laf me. Muahs.

Frustrating to know kan, we dont get what we need, but usually we always get what we want. I'd prefer need than want. but again, a mixture of both la kan. Some of my friends dah siap booking dah maw clubbing after raya, korang ni, kalau bulan puasa was everyday hahha. The clubs might just go outta business! I'm downloading movies since i cant go watch, bukan cant. Dah lambat time i nak tengok movie and all, besides aritu takut i tertido in the cinema then nanti you mesti cam "siot tol minah ni, aku bawak tgk movie dia tdo lak". So alamatnya, pergi masa i am still wide awake and fresh :) and when im free FREE.

When shall i start doin my work. 1st? 2nd? ummm. Da nak dekat october da siot. Soon habis tahun ni 2010. 10 more years mahathir, 2020 in the house yaaw! I wish i could warp through time and go back to when things were so clean and pure and nice. Before puberty kicked in ah preferably sebab the pad tampon apa segala haram wanita empunya necessities. Rumit la growing old ni. Sigh. Wakluuuu. Lu call wa pagi tadi wa mamai lu marah wa pastu lu hung up wa call balik lu tanya wa soalan bodo ofcourse wa bingit. Lu pandai betol la main api, wa ta suka la lu ceni. Lu cakap lu tanak kawan kan, ok ah tayahh. Wa tak mati la kalau lu takda, lu tak jumpa lepak apa smua wa ok je, lu gi mams jao2 la kalau nak buat attitude ini macam. I dont have time and patience to tolerate you, not anymore. Okay? Mwahx.

I dont know whats next. We'll see where the wind blows~ bak kata all american rejects. I cant describe how i feel anymore dah because its at the ___________________---------___---__ haaa cmtu ah dia. But it never goes ^^^^^^**********''''''''''''''''''''''. smua selevel ja. I cannot reach that peak yet lah, its something wrong with my <3 meter kot. Fixing! Oooh ada la sorang mamat poyo ni kan, dua orang pulak tu. dua dua dok potpet pasal how much cash they have, wht they have, what they'd buy. sorg muda, sorang tua. And ada hati cakap "siapa jadi gf aku, tak kesah ah aku bawak dia gi shopping kat lv, gucci and prada and for me hermes saja". Dude, kau banyak mana duit, kena kena ke buat statement centu? And yet you complain on not having a gf. Sebab perangai kau kot. And the other one, stop being a spoiled brat la asshole. Gi sembahyang pakai selipar biasa sudey, simpan selipar maahal dalam kete. Dont fuss about it. Both of ya'll should be siblings. Ngam seyh. Ish.

Sorry i cuma geram sebentar. bukan sebab aapa, banyak je kawan i yang modest and humble and lek je walaupun kaya gila babeng. Tak pernah aku jumpa species cam dorang. Mutasi infestasi haha. Its their parent's money anyway, and as for the other one, kau keje but still cara kau show off as if you're one of the Trump's wei. Hahahaha. Get real. Omg apsal aku ni emosi tak habis-habis ni. Period, are you doing this to me?? :( . Wahai orang orang di kuala lumpur, PJ, Selangor dan whoever di lembah kelang, If you guys are gonna be around, calling for some chill sessions kay. Almaklumlah during raaya first few days kan tak ramai orang.

To all my malay muslim friends, Selamat hari raya aidilfitri, Would like to mohon maaf dari hujung kaki hingga hujung rambut and i hope if there's any harsh remarks, pain ive caused, Im sorry from the bottom of my heart, Ampunkan dosaku jugak. Raya ni kita Seri la. Dah tak da dah marah2, dendam2 ni. cun? ok sayaaang korang.

Ps* fix yourself before its too late. pls.

omongan zero.

I dont feel like updating but i just think i need to write some stuff. so here it goes, i dellany may got a fucked up text message by someone who's not even a friend of mine, with weird messages asking me sex related questions. To my prior notice it was 5-6 am in the morning. Yes, SANGAT WHAT THE FUCK. I think its the time when guys get horny or something. No wonder u call me out of the blues earlier on today. Your intentions, number one on my hate list. People like you needs to get sodomized lah , skali pon takpa, janji u rasa. Sadis betol.

Next up, u know u dont have to ask me questions as such because the answer will always be the same. No one. Okay? Haihh. Macam la i ni addict ke apa. I got a new addiction, and its not what you think it is ;) a good one. Hehe. Nanti bila senang i cerita la ye. Kalau i ingat.

So i was labeled as "the girl who celebrates 25th december!" Takleh sedap lagi ke nama, dellany may sounds just fine by me. Seripus is also another nickname given by another friend of mine. Pelik2 je korang ni kasi nama, tk bombastic betul la idea. Hahaha. :P

Malam ni patot lepak, but hujan turun menduyun2. How leh! Tak nice ma sit down under mapley with the cloud spitting on ur skin. Hishkks. Ok lah, i think i got bad headache ni, nak meletup jap kepala. :( I wish someone was here to kasi urut sama saya. Kpala la. Hehe. urut lain? Haipppp. blakang kire.

xxxxxxxxoxo.
-lotsa hugs n love, mua-

You are such a bitch la woman. I mean sedar la diri kau sikit. Dah la muda. kau kenapa la sundal sangat sial. dah ah cekik darah. bloody fucking bitch. I am super mad at you because you know what, the fact that ive known him since like forever and you? Separuh masa slut. God. Get a grip, takat cam lu nye puki gua tak heran beb. Ish. i dont know lah, no comment je lah this time. Im home in damansara. Eeeks. It drives me nuts to be in that sitch. I do believe that people change and all once theyre married/taken/NA/ yadayada. I didnt change when i was with my ex's. Certain things maybe had changed lah, physically ke or emotionally. But mentally, i waras la lagi kot. Ni minah ni nak kena sepak dengan aku sampai mati ni, I swear if you ever hurt him sampai lubang cacing aku gali nak ludah and sepak muka kau yang cam pantek tu.

Next agenda, was blabbing and blabbing on the net till i salah type serious jadi seripus. someone thinks its 'rotfl' material. But it certainly isnt. ISH ISH ISH. Geram neh. Dah banyak lak keje nak kena buat, and i should start my mock up a.s.a.p because i dont know if i can manage to finish all of the work on time. Banyak sungguh kerjaku. DAMN SON. Sometimes when life gets on the downlow for me, i always tell myself that theres just so many people out there suffering much more stress/pain/agony at the mo'. And here i am ranting my feelings out here in a cyberspace diary called blog. Unbelievable, but it saves paper kan? Save the doggamn trees.

I had a freak dream last night, YOU were in it la kan. Ish tetibe je kau masuk mimpi aku. Agak funny because it all started kinda nice and sweet at first. you were in the room with me and we had a talk about how things were, then you got so mad at me for not telling you something about my past ke apa tah, pastu u marah i, hit me, maki and said u dont ever wanna see me again. Sedih. then you drove ur car off frm me house and left me there on the streets. Got a phonecall from your friend saying you passed away because of a carcrash. I saw you helpless on the bed , eyes shut. Fuck, siapa tk nangis o. Basah ok my pillows. Glad to know you're ok. Sorry for the text message yang all of a sudden. Just had a dream of you. sigh. scary one ok. Please dont bawak kereta laju2. mwahs.

Seterusnya, ini woman sedang sakit perut semacam bukan nak berr ke cherr ke apa but damn my asshole feels like its berdenyuut-ing and my tummy is wriggling like a fuckin ginormous worm ada kat dalam tengah shuffle. Yang sangat tak pandai shuffle sampai sakit tu yang tak tahan ni. Metafora je ek, i makan zentel ok. so no cacingggs, kachings? ;) Woooo dah nak cuti raya ni, keje bersepah. cemana. i pon nak raya gak :D menarik menarik. Looking forward to see colourful baju's people, traditions and the sound of azan ek first day of raya, its weird but tah best je dengar ya'll raya and stuff. Gets me super excited.

There was a blog i post on how much i hate this waste my time that blablabla jerk idiot blablabla, it was for my dad, but i figured. How long can i hold a grudge to the giver of the sperm that made me what i am today aite? I gotta let it go. hes ma dad yo. No matter what, papa i still hate u for what u did to us but pls la be considerate dow, and kau da tua takya jadi kilang siut. Sheesh. mmm suppose to go dinner tonight, mmg kalau tak gi dinner aku sumpah seranai la ian sebab keje aku punya la banyak , mama sibuk nak i balik rumah kata ian nk bawak dinner somewhere fancy. kalao takde ke, tak fancy, aku sepak takraw sebijik2 kepala kat rumah ni. hish. Merimaskan but kalau tak pon, ok la. lepak rumah diam2 buat keje kan? :D

As for the stupid question i popped up two days back to a stupid person, YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT IT. END OF CASE. YILEK. BO LIAO. TAKDE. ok? Hhahah nasib la wei, i dont come that often. You ni, cite nak pop je an, rindu la pe lancau la and all. Gosh , i know you too well to hear ur excuses over and over again. Stop calling me Baby! I tak suka!!!!!! Pergi mati la jauh2. I dont care la, i sanggup la putus kawan dengan you. Dont come and find me or ask my friends about me. I dont exist in your life anymore from now onwards. :) I swear im not mad at you, i just think its enough la. Get your groove some place else, it aint gettin jiggy here.

Movies i wanna watch :

1. the proposal
2. g.i.joe
3. land of the lost
4. orphan
5. up
6. aliens in the attic
7. final destination

Ha ni semua ni sapa nak tengok? calling. i wanna go watch movie laaaaa please. Im just BORED TO DEATH and STRESS. PLEASE AH FAHAM. Whoever thats free,no plans, terasa nak keluaq exercise punkoq, Lets go out pweease :) *blinkblinkblink*

Ok lah nak berjalan dan singgahsana to the bazaar ke putar2 around me house cari bende nak mamam. Hungwyyy :(

sayonara ayyy baybayhh~

They don't know how I feel 'Cause I know this is real .

I don't need me a basketball player
All I need is somebody that's down for me
And he don't have to have money
His love is just like honey
It's so sweet to me

He can have everythin' in this world
But he'll sacrifice it all for me
And I made up my mind
I'm in love this time
And it feels so real

And I know that he won't break my heart
And I know that we won't ever part
It's time, time for us to settle down
And I wanna be with him forever

They can't say that I am crazy
For makin' him my baby
Bought his flowers for me
See I've done been through many changes
But this one I ain't changin'
This one's staying the same

I can have everythin' in this world
But I'll sacrifice it all for him
And I made up my mind
I'm in love this time
And it feels so real

And I know that he won't break my heart
And I know that we won't ever part
And it's time, time for us to settle down
And I wanna be with him forever

I Love you
And all of the things that you do
Oh baby please, I need you
So believe me, I do
'Cause I love you
And every little thing baby, you do
They don't know how I feel
'Cause I know this is real

And I know that he won't break my heart
And I know that we won't ever part
And it's time, time for us to settle down
And I wanna be with him forever

And I know that he won't break my heart
And I know that we won't ever part
And it's time, time for us to settle down
And I wanna be with him forever

para usted .

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow--
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me--
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:--
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met--
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?--
With silence and tears.

Done by,
Lord Byron

episode 21, babak September 6.

okay now i dont know why but i gettin the monthly itch and cravings. I sent a text which i shouldnt have sent or said anything because by the end of the day i know what the reply will be. Its either : nothing or something i would expect coming my way dah. Alaaaa. Malu sial. Fuck la. Nevermind, aku ada courage to do so kan so pedulik apa la kan? Hahahaha. Cheers Dellany May. Get outta your bloody shell.

Went out with kim last night. Catch up on old stories and yeah, we totally layered the facts and lies chronologically and it was superb. Macam-macam secrets aku tau sial. Hahahaha. Bartender, Tequila please! Sigh, that time was only teh o ice. Ooooh i crave to go clubbing, dancing and drinking the night away. Just for fun, miss partying and havin a healthy heart fling! Not pussy flings k. Itu luar dari kawasan liputan keberahian. ahahahahha.

Umm keje aku banyak je lagi actually but i think i wanna take a break jap. I wanna go genting for a short holiday, getaway. Penang ke. Somewhere la, anybody up for the ride ? Bole la roger i yer. I wanna go terengganu la kan, got nice pulau's and white turtles if you know what i mean ;) eheh. Mmmm, i know its cliche, bt men are all the same. seriously, maybe te one's ive met la. I cant seem to find the charming nerd. I wanna find a nerd. A good boy on the outside but nasty inside. Got such things ah ? Hahaha. I saw this video clip on youtube. Absolutely adored the dude. I dont mind dating someone blur/nerd/badboy like men. But it all depends, i would still prefer brains over beauty(jantan).

I have 3 ke 2 + years to habis and fuck, i cannot sabar. Gonna work, tolong mama with bills, kumpul duit, blablabla. stable job, life then fikir pasal settle down. what if im too old for that? shit. ahhaah. Cyberspace spouses! ahahaha. No no. If its fated that wat, apa la nasib aku kan, terima je la redha je la dengan apa yang ade. Oooh, aku sakit belakang ni cene nak paint ni. Dah la kena tiru sehbeyjek2. Goshhhhhhlings! Ps* I know you miss me kan, just admit it lah. But its ok, i understand lah kan sebab we all live in denial. Especially you. Hahahah. Poyo la u, aku Ciom laju2 sampai lebam pipi kau kang. Pastu kasi cicak ramas sket and kasi poop on it.

Yiesh. Ok lah sayang, i gotta rollout nigglets, work is hollerin ma name. Today aku rasa sexy, i dont know why. I think this feeling will fade soon, the sexy feelin. Hahahha tetibe je, coz i woke up usha-ing myself in the mirror and i totally heard a small voice in my head sayin " rawrr baby, rawr ". HAHAHAHA SCARY! Okay lah, i wanna mandi and siap2, pasni ada eerin's birthday dinner, what to get a 5 year old as a present ? Hello kitty stuff? Plush toys? wargh. Ok then.

muahmuahmuahmuahmmmmuahhhhhhh chenta!

Men, consider this .

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

my friends acc got barred from facebook because of being too active. WHAT ? hahahah. kesian. nizam, stay away from your laptop okay, dah mascool pe. takya la kan pop in smua orang nye page. gile rajin , you onlineaholic. hihi. buka time is almost here, but hey hey hey, i tak puasa today. bukan apa, kalau i tak puasa oso no difference kan. If im a muslim, period is stopping me from puasa-ing. Nasib la. But m not muslim, no worries. ummm ni illustrator ni camanae. omg. shit worried abt it lah. tracing je kan with colour. takkan tu pun cannot manage! shits. gotta get get. get get get get~ boom booom boooom~ hahaha. bye, anyone with plans, call me. Unwanted numbers and messages will not be replied to so im sorry, text messages tu, kasi tau la nama kau skali. ko ingat aku ni memory power nak hafal smua orang nye number ke. banyak keje lagi i can do. i only reember numbers of ppl whom i talk/see/ text everyday. Otherwise, dont think i give a rats ass about replying ur text. Sankiuuu. Ok, i haf mcd as my buka puasa juadah. Sedih, i knw. And surprisingly shah alam is dead cold. SO SO SEJUK. Im wearing a sweater to just lepak at the hall. Yikes. Mummy i miss home. I dont wanna study. How? Got iblis around me. Or maybe im the iblis. Procrastinating. Ish ish ish, Someone help to motivate me pleeeaaasseeee~! :( ok lah gettin back to work now. sigh. URgh BOSAN.

xoxo,
ms. procrastinator.

PS* i never wanted to hurt you in any way.. believe me and if i did i'm so sorry. Time will heal the mistakes ive made towards you and vice versa. I know it will. I'll always be there for you no matter what. You'll never be my second best, numero uno forever baby. :) take care always !

things i do at night .

At night
At night I lay and think of you hoping my wishes and dreams come true
At night I wonder can this be the end is this all that's left
At night I wish we could go to the way things were
At night I lay and cry about the things that happened and how it all ended
At night I lay and think of us, I mean you and I
At night I realize there's no more us
At night I dream of us together again
At night I wish for us to be together again
But in the morning I realize it was all
At Night