Entre l'amour et déteste: 03 May 2009

03 May 2009

what this woman feels.

this angry feeling inside me is killing me so deep. I cant help but have this mix emotions. I am wishing for a miracle wishing for things that are somewhat impossible. If any of them came, i guess wishes do come true. Hope, thats something that we always do. We hope for something so much and it doesnt happen. When it doesnt, we get fuckin' disappointed right. I was up and down that emotional valley and recently things seems dull and blue. Guilty pleasures? Been there, done that. That wont help right now. How i wish i had a family like any other normal families. I wish i had a complete set of this thing god created called family. I miss that moment when i was a kid. Went to genting with 20 bucks survival cash and i managed to survive. Apart from that, kids running around with their parents and siblings around made me felt so envious lookin at them. I had that life before. I wish i could have it back, but thank god i stick to reality.

I feel incomplete, despite losing someone whom i thought was the one for me, turned out he was a man with thousand or millions of mysteries, Unsolved. What bothers me is..... I dont know what the hell thats disturbing my peace of mind at this very moment. Im at wits end but gosh, little things annoy me so quickly and this is not me. I dont give a rats ass about YOU. My life doesnt revolve around you, and please stop treating me like im just so fucking stupid because you know what dear, im not. I have brains and im not like em bimbo's you refer to as bimbo's, for all i care you're a jerk, you'd probably e.jerk.culated on all the girls kan :) so typical of a jerk. Annoyed and Angry and semua ah, i couldnt be bothered anymore about anything.

I know my birthday is tomorrow, and i already feel like its a total mess. I cried more than 3 times today for some reason la, itu P&C. Im not a crybaby, and i dont know i think i was being too hard on myself. I should be stronger than this because maybe god is testing me right now, i dont know. Im not proud of being who i am right now, it would probably take me forever to undo mu mistakes and flaws. god have mercy. I am trying so hard to be patient and endure this fucked up scenery and situation and not to mention, PEOPLE. Get the fuck away from me, you disgust me and fyi, i dont wish to be around you, if i had the choice, i'd rather be dead than to be annoyed or see your face.

I feel bad for feeling this way, bak kata someone i know, tak baik sedih2 nanti angels taknak visit you. Well, that depends if they even want to come near me. Pffft. Im like the black sheep of the good citizen. Torn between evil and good. Fuck, my lips hurt so bad right now. I want to go back to shah alam tonight, bur the situation just doesnt seem right. Dont wanna be at home right now, i just wanna go far, someone please take me outta this world. Last paper is on Tuesday and then im done. Tonight, study and sleep. Tomorrow wake up like its a normal day where i dont have to think of anything. My life is a mess and i know others is probably more fucked than this, but im always tryin to look on the broghter side of life. Think positive, the only thing that keeps me sane and alive. I gotta go, before my post sound any more depressing that it has already sounded in my previous post's.

till death do i part,
Me.