days go by and finally aku dapat la boran dengan jijah. sooo hard to catch her online! i miss you already. so much to catch up and yes, people i think i need a long break. Thnk god holidays nak dekat but siot la got so much work to do. My emosi kurang stabil lately and i find it so hard to open my eyes. Fuck. Some say im too garang, am i ? I dont think so. I need to get used to this whole being not nice thingy, its kinda making me feel like there's something wrong with me like.. ada something else forcing me to be someone else. Argh. But dell, psycho diri anda, ini untuk kebaikan diri anda. Hehehe. Umm okay, lets see, the other post, yeah i was mad haritu but it wont stay for long, just need time to forget and cleanse my heart, lecturer saya cakap, to be beautiful u must have a clean heart. time to have one ay? Throw this hatred anger bitterness away. I hope and wish everyone for a healthy and wealthy easy life ahead. I soo need a vacation actually. Sayang will you take me on vacation ?? :( please? hehe. We'll go vacation once i see you okay. mwaxh. lamanya tak jumpa you, gile rindu. although you sound so geeky when you laugh but still, ahhahaha. I like. And i made a conclusion that when we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. Thats what i mean yaw! ampun if im being so philosophical at the mo'. Heheh. So i feel pathetic and awkward at 6:03pm because m dead bored and no one's home. Argh. Smua busy je :( apa niii. Tak cool at all lah. Hmm.
Weekends schedule might be packed. Melaka or genting, i decide dulu. Budget haram betol. i dont know lah what i need to do dah. I know what to do ah but still, letih sial ceni. hari2 fikir keje. Bila nak hbs belajaaa ni. PENAT PENAAT. ok lah i wanna find something to do. Laters.
xoxo and muahmuah!~
05 October 2009
02 October 2009
Lawak but cannot find a way to laugh.
Dear _______ ______.
I dont want you dah, what we had was so long time ago. i cuma kecik hati dengan u. u cant possibly think i love you in that manner lagi ? please be rational. Im not dengki, im not a liar, i dont manipulate things. I just wanted to know the truth. Would i waste my time loving something that cant love me back? No. Were history. Cuma i rasa u should have told me before this mess cropped up. We had a deal, but no, you had to go and do things , this way. My oh my what in the world was i thinking? NOTHING. I dont know anything and outta the blues you appear on my phone inbox marah. WTF man. Get your facts straight dulu dow, ni meluru tak pasal2 sial. Fuck. GERAM SIAL. Your fault la kan, not mine. No guts to tell me. Youre just selfish, you know that? SELFISH. You lost your balls somewhere ke ? Sheesh. I sayang you as a friend , not as a love kinda thing. You betrayed me as a lover and as a friend. I really thought we'd be friends after all that, but judging from where things are falling to pieces now, I cant see the word communicate or friendship anymore. I dont want you. Neither do u, i know. But that doesnt change the fact that ur a fucking jerk. THERE ARE OTHER ways to hurt me too u know, not by that. Wtf, kau kena posses ke apa? Gosh. DOSA. I will not forgive you for that particular day. Too much. I know you're lost and confused, but some things gotta change and i think its you. You cannot and definitely not allowed to treat people like objects. I dont wanna curse, now onwards seri ok? We go dutch on the guilty part. 0-0. You take care and be a man. You're on your own in this prob, i tak nak masuk campur. Its not revenge and not fighting, this aint a battlefield, grow the fuck up, you need to be mature inside not just the outside. Think before you speak. Cukup la i rasa hina ni, its enough, ive had my days of drama's but this is by far the best and it should be nominated with an oscar. Best actor goes to you. Im just one of you pelakon sampingan kan? :) cool. Sigh. People change or maybe its me who cant understand how your world works. Naa. Its partly you. I let go long time ago, i was strong and u pop in balik and blablabla, now see what happenend. ISH. damn i shouldve know better. Oh well, shit happens. What doesnt kill you makes u stronger kan? :) best wishes to you and congratulations, i hate you already. Suka tak ? Its what you wanted so much kan? Here you go. A huge bag of Goodbye's and goodluck's enough to last you for eternity, or i hope it will. There, early christmas present from me. No harm done. Dont talk to me anymore, Just dont have me in ur life. Were done. OVER. FINISH. AKU TAK NAK KAU DAH.
"I tak tau camana nak buang you. ok ?"
Buang? fuck you're rude. I dont knw, maybe you couldnt think wisely at the mo'. But dude, you have brains, so please use it. GERAMNYE AKU DENGAN KAU. But its ok, im fine now, as a matter of fact, i think im okay coz i was just waiting for something like this anyway. A kick start, but not this way. Benda boleh settle, but kau salah settle, ntah apa dalam otak kau tu fikir jahat gila. KEJI is the right word for you. tergamak you buat like that. GOD. Ha ni la peluang keemasan kau. Aku buang kau awal2 dulu so kau takyah susah2 nak fikir pasal aku. This dellany may and _______ is so dead and gone adter 11th march 2009. I dont know u anymore, just stay the fuck away from me. You disgust me. To you i might seem like a trash, but u know what fool, im not as trashy as you. I'd rather lose a friend like you rather than to lose my pride and dignity again and again. Buat baik pon salah. Pelik la u. Ive been nice je kot, tak buat jahat and you assume so many things like this about me. If i curang dengan you, lain cite, the fact i dont ? Pfft. You sakitkan hati i terlampau banyak. I tak boleh tahan dah. I wish you well, Godbless and semoga bahagia. I hope u halalkan makan minum n semua as i halalkan everything. Just go okay. Stop all this nonsense.
Stop.
Goodbye and goodnight.
-me-
I dont want you dah, what we had was so long time ago. i cuma kecik hati dengan u. u cant possibly think i love you in that manner lagi ? please be rational. Im not dengki, im not a liar, i dont manipulate things. I just wanted to know the truth. Would i waste my time loving something that cant love me back? No. Were history. Cuma i rasa u should have told me before this mess cropped up. We had a deal, but no, you had to go and do things , this way. My oh my what in the world was i thinking? NOTHING. I dont know anything and outta the blues you appear on my phone inbox marah. WTF man. Get your facts straight dulu dow, ni meluru tak pasal2 sial. Fuck. GERAM SIAL. Your fault la kan, not mine. No guts to tell me. Youre just selfish, you know that? SELFISH. You lost your balls somewhere ke ? Sheesh. I sayang you as a friend , not as a love kinda thing. You betrayed me as a lover and as a friend. I really thought we'd be friends after all that, but judging from where things are falling to pieces now, I cant see the word communicate or friendship anymore. I dont want you. Neither do u, i know. But that doesnt change the fact that ur a fucking jerk. THERE ARE OTHER ways to hurt me too u know, not by that. Wtf, kau kena posses ke apa? Gosh. DOSA. I will not forgive you for that particular day. Too much. I know you're lost and confused, but some things gotta change and i think its you. You cannot and definitely not allowed to treat people like objects. I dont wanna curse, now onwards seri ok? We go dutch on the guilty part. 0-0. You take care and be a man. You're on your own in this prob, i tak nak masuk campur. Its not revenge and not fighting, this aint a battlefield, grow the fuck up, you need to be mature inside not just the outside. Think before you speak. Cukup la i rasa hina ni, its enough, ive had my days of drama's but this is by far the best and it should be nominated with an oscar. Best actor goes to you. Im just one of you pelakon sampingan kan? :) cool. Sigh. People change or maybe its me who cant understand how your world works. Naa. Its partly you. I let go long time ago, i was strong and u pop in balik and blablabla, now see what happenend. ISH. damn i shouldve know better. Oh well, shit happens. What doesnt kill you makes u stronger kan? :) best wishes to you and congratulations, i hate you already. Suka tak ? Its what you wanted so much kan? Here you go. A huge bag of Goodbye's and goodluck's enough to last you for eternity, or i hope it will. There, early christmas present from me. No harm done. Dont talk to me anymore, Just dont have me in ur life. Were done. OVER. FINISH. AKU TAK NAK KAU DAH.
"I tak tau camana nak buang you. ok ?"
Buang? fuck you're rude. I dont knw, maybe you couldnt think wisely at the mo'. But dude, you have brains, so please use it. GERAMNYE AKU DENGAN KAU. But its ok, im fine now, as a matter of fact, i think im okay coz i was just waiting for something like this anyway. A kick start, but not this way. Benda boleh settle, but kau salah settle, ntah apa dalam otak kau tu fikir jahat gila. KEJI is the right word for you. tergamak you buat like that. GOD. Ha ni la peluang keemasan kau. Aku buang kau awal2 dulu so kau takyah susah2 nak fikir pasal aku. This dellany may and _______ is so dead and gone adter 11th march 2009. I dont know u anymore, just stay the fuck away from me. You disgust me. To you i might seem like a trash, but u know what fool, im not as trashy as you. I'd rather lose a friend like you rather than to lose my pride and dignity again and again. Buat baik pon salah. Pelik la u. Ive been nice je kot, tak buat jahat and you assume so many things like this about me. If i curang dengan you, lain cite, the fact i dont ? Pfft. You sakitkan hati i terlampau banyak. I tak boleh tahan dah. I wish you well, Godbless and semoga bahagia. I hope u halalkan makan minum n semua as i halalkan everything. Just go okay. Stop all this nonsense.
Stop.
Goodbye and goodnight.
-me-
28 September 2009
Long term memory lost, forgive and forget.
All i have left to say is.. Im sorry for everything and... I dont know what else to say or feel dow. Seriously. I just Hope you're doin just fine right na na na na. Heheh. Cheers! Daaaamn i got too many things on my mind right now, and i dont know where & when the hell should i start to do my work. Lazy to drive back home, but here goes nothing. God bless you and the world. I should stop procrastinating ay? Im giving myself the 40 days and 40 nights challenge. Oh days, please be kind to me. Lead me not into temptation and deliver me from evil. Heheh. Everyone in favour for a change say "rawr" ! >.< laters. Sure jam la federal. Palat. Wargh. Okiedoks. Muahmuah. Luvvyuuuu. Smashing my rearview mirror because from now onwards baby, i aint lookin back. :)
shattered ? maybe.
Im disappointed
it's just disappointment after disappointment
and then another disappointment
im not sure what to do
and who to look up to any more
because it seams every time I do
something bad happens to them
or they do something bad.
Im a patient person
and i will forgive alot
actually more than I should
but I allways get disappointed in the end.
And even my hero
he makes mistakes alot
but I always forgive him
But this time it's different
he said he was clean
but he lied
He lied.
he Lied to everyone
I couldn't believe it
I can't believe my eyes
my ears , his mouth.
I can't believe anything anymore
I just can't believe it
I just got disappointed again.
So now im not going to any more
because im not going to trust,
put my faith in, or hope for,
any one any more
ever again
Ever.
it's just disappointment after disappointment
and then another disappointment
im not sure what to do
and who to look up to any more
because it seams every time I do
something bad happens to them
or they do something bad.
Im a patient person
and i will forgive alot
actually more than I should
but I allways get disappointed in the end.
And even my hero
he makes mistakes alot
but I always forgive him
But this time it's different
he said he was clean
but he lied
He lied.
he Lied to everyone
I couldn't believe it
I can't believe my eyes
my ears , his mouth.
I can't believe anything anymore
I just can't believe it
I just got disappointed again.
So now im not going to any more
because im not going to trust,
put my faith in, or hope for,
any one any more
ever again
Ever.
25 September 2009
jerk this off.
Liar. Fuck man, this is just sick. Like sick as hell. You can play pretend so well and yet, lookie lookie, you're out there poppin and ballin like nobody's business. I dont care for one fact that we dont act like before. You treat me like the other jerks out there. But no, you played your cards so damn well that i couldnt see any flaws on you. I swear i dont know how im supposed to feel, happy? Mad? Upset? Whatever? I dont know. More like betrayed. I feel used and ah, fuck it lah okay? Ya'll are the same to me and i dont know what made me so stupid to still provide you my tlc. fuck aku tengah dalam the effing sick to my stomach phase now i dont even know how to look at you. EWW. This is so not happening. GOD. I cant believe you had the courtesy to do such a thing after all ive done for you. Call it dutch, seri ok? 0-0, maybe it wasnt such a good idea kan all the huha we had. FUCK dell, you got punkd and used and fuck you're such a joke right now. SNAP OUTTA IT WOMAN, this aint doin ya good.
Im heading off to kl so if you wanna meet me and talk, be a man. Tell me all the things youve been hiding before and please come clean. One of us is gonna go home feeling like shit today but yeah maybe the song patut publish now like "save the best for last?" Hmmm. Whatever it is, im just havin mixed emotions now. i cant describe. Marah, confused and annoyed sebentar. Urgh. Laters.
-dell-
Im heading off to kl so if you wanna meet me and talk, be a man. Tell me all the things youve been hiding before and please come clean. One of us is gonna go home feeling like shit today but yeah maybe the song patut publish now like "save the best for last?" Hmmm. Whatever it is, im just havin mixed emotions now. i cant describe. Marah, confused and annoyed sebentar. Urgh. Laters.
-dell-